Helen's story
Read Helen's story about surgery to give birth to her second child whom she never believed would have had due to a previous traumatic birth and developing postpartum depression and PTSD.
On 16th Feb 2024, I was taken into surgery to give birth to my second child. A second child that I never believed I would have had due to a previous traumatic birth and developing postpartum depression and PTSD. I gave birth to Rowan via c-section. He was placed on my chest, and I felt a sense of pride that I'd managed it, I'd faced the battle and I was winning. This feeling quickly changed when he was taken off me and a consultant told me they were taking him away to the NICU due to concerns with his breathing. I was taken to the recovery room, exhausted and without my baby. It would be another 8 hours before I could see him again due to concerns with my recovery. The team from the NICU came to my bay, explained what was happening gave me photos of our little guy and gave me a small teddy called a miniboo, they told me Rowan had one too. This was the most difficult part of the experience, sat hearing the other babies coming in with their mums and here I am with some photos and a toy but no baby. I sat there worried that I'd made a big mistake and I'd foolishly put my children’s mum in the position of becoming unwell again.
When I was well enough to go to the NICU and see Rowan this guilt and worry disappeared thanks to the support and encouragement of the staff. Initially, it was a lot to take in, I couldn't see his face because of the CPAP machine, and he had all these tubes in his little box. I stood and stared at him, scared to touch him. The staff encouraged me to hold Rowan, promoting skin to skin and to be involved in his care including feeding him- albeit via tube.
When my daughter (7) visited they were very supportive. She still talks about how the staff gave her a book to read to Rowan called Paper Dolls (she dressed as the girl for World Book Day the following month) and she loves that she could hold him. They even sang happy birthday to her and made her a card when she visited on her birthday. These were all suggestions and ideas that the NICU staff made to make sure we felt integrated and that he was our Rowan. I am so grateful because if I'm honest I don't think my anxiety would have let me suggest them. This human element has meant that thankfully I am not battling the darkness of postpartum depression again but instead in a position to enjoy my maternity watching the relationship between my little princess and Prince grow so beautifully.
